Monday, January 19, 2009

I miss the smiles...

It is hard to believe that these pictures were taken less than two weeks ago. I didn't even realize they were on the camera until I hooked it up to transfer all the pictures onto the computer. I don't understand how he faded so fast. I'm glad he didn't have to suffer any more than he did, but it was just too fast. I begged him to hang in there. I wanted to take him to one Astros game, even if it was only for just one inning. My heart is really broken today, my strength gone. I have been on couch holding his teddy bear tight today, clinging to something that might remind me of him. I don't see how this gets easier. It is getting harder for me as the days pass. I think the shock of it all is starting to wear off and the pain seeping in.


Anonymous said...

He had such an honest, true happy smile. Just pure contentment. I think you are right Rita, the shock is wearing off, you no longer have doctors to see, plans to make for Eli's arrangements, your mind is finally realizing what has happened, you are becoming "aware" of it all. This is most likely going to be the roughest time, it's the down time after the storm. We are all here for you, and you have said writing your blog helps, so write away, so many have been touched by your experience, by your words.

Big hugs tonight hun!

Melanee said...

There is much I want to say, but nothing seems sufficient. Just know that I wish I could reach my arms through this computer screen and give you a hug.

You're in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

hang in there WILL get easier!

Joe said...

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I wanted to go the the funeral, but I knew I wouldn't make it through. I cry every time I read the blog, so I know I'd be a blubbering idiot.
Just know that you don't have to be strong, but instead rely on His strength and His peace that surpasses all understanding. Remember, there is only one set of footprints in the sand for you right now.

Joe Spradlin

Gary Denton said...

I was going to make a comment, try to say something profound, or offer a few encouraging words. But apparently Joe already did that.
I've cried after reading the blog before, but that is the first time I cried after reading a comment. Dang, now I have to find a box of tissue.
You're right where you are supposed to be, Rita. Both you and Jason.

Anonymous said...

Seeing that beautiful content smile is a reflection of how wonderful parents you really were and how happy his short stay here was. You will be on an emotional rollercoaster for a long time and you are going to have good days where you smile and bad days were you cry. It's okay not to be strong and to break down. You and your husband are each others biggest support right now so lean on each other. If you find comfort in holding on to something that once brought Eli joy then do so, there is nothing wrong with that. It's been over a year since I lost my angel and I still cry, I still ask why, and I still hang on to his little blanket every once in a while and just for those few moments it's like he is right there with me. God bless you and your family.


Softangelkisses said...

Seeing that smile tells just how much he loved and is loved!

Anonymous said...

I have been praying for you so much the last few weeks. I pray everytime I am awake at night, and all day, that God finds a way to comfort you and get you through.
I am from the msn baords, and your family has forever changed me. Eli will always be in my heart and mind, as will you and Jason.

Murphy's Law said...

This is one of the more difficult times in all of this, Rita. Everything is done, the people have gone home. They have gone on with their lives. And yours is frozen in time. Slowly you will begin to move forward again all the while keeping Eli in your heart.

Please keep writing. And please keep sharing that gorgeous face with us.

Hang in there.