Saturday, January 24, 2009

Get Up...

Yesterday was a bad day. Not that they all aren't bad, but it was one of the worst so far. I think Jason and I are both really struggling with what we are supposed to be doing... Our whole day was filled with taking care of what? We seem to alternate; one day he wants to stay in bed all day, the next I do. That works out okay because the other person can pull the covers back and say GET UP. The days we are both in bed are the rough ones; there is nobody here to make us get up; we can only cling to each other and mourn.

I'm grateful to have such a wonderful husband; I just hope this loss doesn't cause us to lose each other. It is easy to push those that love you away in these times. It happens to many couples. I just know Jason, like Eli, is a big part of me and I can't make it without him. If nothing else is worth crawling out of bed for, he is. I have to remember that and get up. I didn't do that yesterday.


Angie said...

It may be too soon, but there are some good grief resources on the web. It's not yet been two weeks. It's okay to have those days when you can't get out of bed. Try to allow yourself the same compassion that you have for everyone else. I'm sure at this point there just doesn't seem to be much reason to get out of bed. You're life was consumed by being a mother. With time I hope that you can find purspose again. It may be through charity work, speaking out against child abuse as you have been doing, adoption, work? Who knows.

But that's somewhere down the road. Give yourself permission to grieve. Feeling like there is no purpose is normal, but don't let yourself believe the lie that you will NEVER have a reason to get out of bed. Purpose will come later. Now is about survival.

I imagine that even though all these comments people are leaving show how much you, Jason, and Eli have touched other lives, how much people truly do love and care about you, is little consolation at times like this. I want you to know that I would be on a plane tomorrow if there was anything I can do. Even if it's just to help with laundry, or cook dinne, or pull the covers back, or hug you, or try to make you laugh. At any point, for anything, just let me know. I mean that completely. I am still only a phonecall away. And it takes 30 seconds to book a flight. You are NEVER off my mind or prayers.

Angie said...

Sorry I meant to include this link.