Yesterday was a bad day. Not that they all aren't bad, but it was one of the worst so far. I think Jason and I are both really struggling with what we are supposed to be doing... Our whole day was filled with taking care of Eli....now what? We seem to alternate; one day he wants to stay in bed all day, the next I do. That works out okay because the other person can pull the covers back and say GET UP. The days we are both in bed are the rough ones; there is nobody here to make us get up; we can only cling to each other and mourn.
I'm grateful to have such a wonderful husband; I just hope this loss doesn't cause us to lose each other. It is easy to push those that love you away in these times. It happens to many couples. I just know Jason, like Eli, is a big part of me and I can't make it without him. If nothing else is worth crawling out of bed for, he is. I have to remember that and get up. I didn't do that yesterday.