6 months...

My Dearest Eli,

Today would have been your half birthday. I can't believe we didn't even get to have you with us for six months. I feel so cheated and your dad and I miss you so very much. I never realized how you had taken over every aspect of our lives in such a short time. Most days we aren't sure what do without you here to keep us busy. We can't seem to find things to fill our days and end up sad and missing you.

I miss so many of the little things... I miss how you woke up a little grumpy but quickly turned into such a morning baby. My favorite part of the day was putting you on the changing table and unswaddling you...you always streeeeeeetched those arms out, ready to start your day. I LOVED that and it always made me smile. I miss the smiles you gave us when we would have to change your diaper. If nothing else, we knew we would get some smiles during that time. You had the most beautiful smile; it would light up your whole face and shine through your eyes. I miss getting up and seeing you with your arm out of the swaddle, all upset and not sure what was going on. I wish more than anything I could hear you talk and laugh again; I would even settle for a cry.

I miss watching you and daddy play together. You made me fall more in love with your daddy. He was such an amazing father. I couldn't wait for him to get home and play with you so I could hear you giggle. You always saved those giggles for him. It breaks me heart to see daddy missing you so much. He sure did love you little man.

Even though we have been struggling, I will keep my promise to you. It is just a little tough getting used to life without you. You were such a special baby and you left a huge void in our lives and hearts. Momma still has you close in her heart and I love you so much.