Friday, June 26, 2009

Today marks a strange point....Eli has now been gone as many days as he was here. How did time go by so fast? I found myself in his room this morning looking for a basket. All I could do was look around and see all the things still in the packaging, never opened, never used. We had plans. Big plans. Fun plans. Now I have some pictures and the smell that is slowly fading away. Damn I miss you little one. Your robe is still hanging on the closet door...you only wore that once I think. I saw that cute Pooh outfit that I loved putting you in hanging in the closet along with all the overalls that you looked so adorable in. Your Halloween costume, the only one you'll ever have, is still hanging in there. Extra diapers and formula still on the shelves...bottles bagged up on the floor. What the fuck am I supposed to do with all that? You should be HERE, with me, not rotting in the ground. I'm sick of my arms hurting, aching to hold you. Life is so unfair and there is no possible way to make it not be so.

Today was also the first anniversary of the day my friend Angela heard those words...the words that I wish none of us has ever heard...spinal muscular atrophy. Her little guy passed away on August 2nd, the same day we welcomed Eli into our family. My heart goes out to her today too. I hate SMA. If you haven't signed the petition, please it do now for our little boys. This has to stop. It just has to stop.

2 comments:

Sara said...

i have no words, sweetie. i just love you, and i hate this so much with you....

Angela said...

I hate this disease, Rita! I hope they are up their hugging each other until the day we get to hold them in our arms ourselves.