Thursday, April 23, 2009

Life after a loss is so different than life before. I am up early this morning. I try to get up early (if I can) on the days that Jason has to go to work. I like packing his lunch; I like the hugs before he goes. That's not why I do it though. I do it because I'm afraid I won't see him again. That something will happen and he won't return home. After losing my son, I'm now terrified I'll lose my husband too.

I remember one night a few weeks or maybe a month after Eli died we were in bed and Jason had already fallen asleep. I was still awake, as usual, and noticed that he had gotten really quiet. I tried to see if I could still see him breathing but I wasn't able to tell in the dark. I had to put my hands on him and make sure he was okay...and he was, but in those brief moments I was so afraid. So afraid.

That story wasn't my intention of starting this post today. I was just going to say I was up early today. Sometimes I don't know where my thoughts will lead once I start typing. I came to discuss the headlines in today's paper. I pulled up the e-edition of our local paper this morning and was blown away by the first 6 or so headlines. It makes me sad for our country and our people. So many of us have really lost our way...

The first story was about the increase in gun and ammo sales. Concealed handgun applications are close to double what they were last year. I don't mind people owning guns, but I worry why so many think they need them now. The next story was discussing how Texas was trying to put through a bill limiting access to teacher records. I agree that teachers have a right to privacy, but this bill would seal their criminal records. I may never have a school aged child, but I imagine if I do, I would want to know if their teacher was a convicted felon!

From there we go to the story of the driver who was driving drunk and talking on his cell phone during the horrible storms we had on Saturday... He killed 5 kids, 3 of his own, when he lost control of the car and drove into a flooded bayou. The surviving child, as well as 3 of her siblings, have been taken into custody by CPS after their mother tested positive for drugs. The next article talks about a 12 year-old who has been charged with capital murder of an 10 month old baby boy. At least 5 kids were left alone in an apartment and the mother(s) returned to find the dead baby. The police are having a hard time figuring out where the mothers of the kids were or how many kids were actually in the apartment at the time of the baby's death. I won't go into a bitter rant, but I'm sure you know what I'm thinking.

and finally, the last article I read was about the Morning After pill now being made available over-the-counter to 17 year-olds. I don't even know what to say about that one.

How sad it is that these are the headlines in my area right now? More guns, dead children, and pregnancy-terminating pills to teens.


Softangelkisses said...

I know what you mean rita. I can not believe the things that I see in the news now...

Anonymous said...

Life is what you make of it, and unfortunatlty so many amoung us don't know, or don't want to make anything of it for ourselves. We just walk around, lost, and waiting for someone or something to show us the way. If we are not lost, then maybe we're transfixed on something of little or no importance-material belongings, video games, problems at home or at work, bills, you may even come up with a few I could not possibly ever imagine. However, if you are truly blessed, you will come to the realization that you can be the solution. That's not to mean that you should go out and stand upon a soap box and preach the Good Word (unless that's your calling), but instead choose to be different. Choose to understand instead of reproach, choose to love instead of hate, choose to embrace instead of ignore, to talk instead of fight. Most of us are quite aware that there is true evil in the world, but with that evil comes a balance, that balance is love, friendship, honestly, integrity, discipline and just plain good ol' honor in ourselves and in what we do in our everyday lives. So my friend, I humbly ask you not to be discouraged by what you read in the papers, for they will, more often than not, report on the shortcomings man, and seldom ever mention those of us who decide to wake up each morning and choose to be true to ourselves and each other.

Much love Rita