Friday, April 10, 2009

I realize holidays are going to be hell for us for a long time. It is so hard to watch everyone getting excited about Easter and hiding eggs and making baskets. Everything is so much different on this side of things....

Everyone else in the world has went on with their lives while we seem to be stuck in the same place. People make comments about being frustrated with their kids; before we would have laughed along with them but now all I can think is "well, at least they are alive". I hear about all their kids latest accomplishments and all I can think is "Eli will never get to do that". It is a strange place to be, not one I would wish anyone I know to ever have to be.

I have finally found a little peace by giving up on any ideas of religion. It is much easier to cope with what happened when I just look at it from a science viewpoint. The standard words we get from most everyone are "we are praying for you". I have heard that from people I am pretty sure don't even pray....but if they do pray, what would they pray for really? People prayed for Eli but he died anyway. People pray that we have peace, but that's not happening. I guess that is the only thing they can think of to say at this point. Just realize that there is no comfort in that for me and I probably won't respond to it. If you chose to worship a god that takes babies away from loving homes but leaves others to be beaten and abused, that's your right, but it is not something I want to be a part of. Jason and I have a new saying to live by.... Whatever lets you sleep at night. I actually found an interesting article on this subject that I thought I would share that might help explain a little about where I'm coming from on this.


Anonymous said...

One of the things I remember the most that people kept saying to me when I lost my angel was that he was now in a better place. That statment made me so mad because what better place is there then in the arms of his mommy and daddy. The two people that loved him more then their own lives. I never knew how to respond to this comment and to this day I still get upset when I hear it.

Murphy's Law said...

I'm with you every step of the way, Rita! Once again, we are a lot alike.

I won't tell you I'm praying for you (because I'm not!) I will tell you that you are in my thoughts frequently because I remember what it was like the first year or 2 after Marshall died. I will also tell you I think of Eli daily, multiple times a day when I see his picture, and I will never forget about the love he had from his parents. I wish I could have been there in person that night we could only talk on the phone. I wish I could have seen him, held him, hugged him, just once. His memory will have to do. And for me, that will be okay. But I understand it will never be enough for you.

Big hugs and lots of love and peaceful thoughts to you and Jason.


Anonymous said...

Not a very good morning down my hove. this should be a happy day for us. But it's the most awful day that grandparents could have. All we can do is cry for our little one. I know i was the most proudest grandma in the world. I wore that honour so high.Just to say we love you and Jay.