Well, I took the first step... I went to the teacher certification information session last night. I have the application and all the information now. I'm a little afraid to go back to school, but I want to be one of those people who loves their job. I think I would like to teach. I would want to teach K-4, nothing above that, so I have a few regular college classes I would need to go back and take (getting out of taking history wasn't such a good idea now...). I think I might take one class to see if I can do this. I need to find something fulfilling to do with my life and maybe this is finally it.
I had a little better day yesterday. The weekend and Monday were some of the worst I've had. It is hard for me to really accept that he's gone. No more laughs, no more smiles. I go in his room and everything is still there, ready for him to come back...but he's not. I keep wondering what he'd be doing now, if he would have learned more sounds, if he'd have a new favorite toy.
I've made some amazing friends through all of this, so that helps. The SMA community is larger than I'd like for it to be, but there are so many nice people involved in it. At times I want to run away from it and pretend I'm not a part of it, that it didn't happen to my son, but I stay. I stay and try to help out if I can. I have a few projects going on to try to raise money to help with the research. These little things are all I can do to fight against my son's killer. I thank all of my friends and family who are standing strong with me in this fight. If more and more of us spread awareness and help raise money, maybe we can beat this thing.