Saturday, May 2, 2009

Today I should have been getting Eli ready for his 9 month pictures. I had planned on getting his pictures made every 3 months for the first year of his life. I have plenty of baby pictures, but Jason doesn't. I wanted to make sure Eli had plenty to cherish laster, so that was my plan. We only got to take "official" newborn and 3 months pictures. I'm glad we did those; they will be cherished always.

I still can't believe he is gone, but it is finally starting to seem real. It just hurts; it hurts so much. I just can't understand why. I keep seeing all these kids on the news who have been hurt or killed by their parents. We only loved our little guy and would have done anything to protect him. We had so many plans... I think there is already $500 in his college fund, I have tons and tons of clothes from NB up to 5T. WE HAD PLANS. Now what do we do with them? What do we do with the room full of baby stuff? It serves as a good breakdown place right now, but what about next year?


Miss and love you little boy. I'm so angry that you aren't here and I won't ever get to see you grow up.

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Anonymous said...

I hate SMA too.

Love you

Murphy's Law said...

I hate SMA too, Rita. It is so unfair that we were so prepared to be such great parents and we were the ones that were robbed of the opportunity.

I always try to remind myself that I am thankful that Marshall and Eli were born to parents who had the means to love and care for them despite their intense medical needs. I shudder to think of what would happen to a baby with SMA who is born to a drug addicted, mentally ill, homeless, prostitute, or someone like that. All our babies ever knew was love love love. We gave them everything we could. It hurts so badly to miss them so much but I'm so thanful for the brief time we had them at all.

You were THE perfect mother, Rita. Don't you ever forget that. Love you, Sister!