Saturday, January 9, 2010

Insomnia is once again my best friend... I just seem to have so much on my mind lately when I go lay down and sleep eludes me each and every time I long for it.

Tonight we watched Up. It was my movie choice for the week and I'm not sure how I feel about it even now. It is such a powerful movie, but even more so to those who have suffered great losses or struggle with infertility. My mind has been racing ever since we finished it. I think it has a great lesson in it for me, for my marriage. The couple in the movie was not able to have a baby, but they managed to forge ahead and enjoy life and each other. I feel like Jason and I have put all enjoyment on hold now. We have banked, happiness...on being parents again. I think we've forgot how much we can enjoy just being us.

I've met a lot of couples and heard lots of tales about other marriages... I know how lucky I am to be married to one of the best men I know. He is truly a partner in every sense of the word. He loves me unconditionally. He is my best friend. There is no other person on earth that I enjoy spending time with more than him. He always has his arms open to hug me. He never fails to join in my silly jokes and games. I honestly couldn't invent or make someone more perfect for ME. He GETS me in a way that nobody else does. Can that be enough? There is no guarantee that we will ever be parents again, so I think right now I need to learn to appreciate what I have and not put all my eggs (or happiness in this case) in one basket. I already have something that most people never get to experience...true love. It would be wonderful to have a child to widen our circle, but I shouldn't let that missing piece take away from the beauty of the life I do have.

I'm glad we did watch Up maybe keep me up all night thinking, but hopefully some good will come out of it. I hope tomorrow I can wake up and be thankful for what I do have. It is hard not to be sad over what's missing, but 3 lives didn't end one year ago...only one did. As hard as it is to even think about moving on, life doesn't stop for those of us left behind. We must learn to smile again, to love again, and open our hearts to the possibilities before us.


Melanee said...

Your words brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insight...

Anonymous said...

Rita, that was very beautifully said. I'm glad you have each other your a wonderful couple. Vickie Beasley Myers