Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I looked back to my post from one year ago today and it was too hurtful to repost. They are the last pictures we took of Eli and they hurt like hell for several reasons. It sucks knowing they are the last pictures that we'll ever have of him. Worse, they are awful. He looks so sick and not like my beautiful smiling baby. I hope at some point in my life I can get over the anger and hatred I have for the doctor who I think shortened our time with Eli and made him sicker than he was. I'm not in denial about the fact that he was going to die, but I know things shouldn't have happened the way they did. Starving a baby for almost 2 days, especially a sick one who is struggling to gain weight and eat anyway, should never happen. So tonight I'm going to bed angry and sad, missing my beautiful son.