Friday, January 7, 2011

Project 365: Day 6 & 7

I missed posting yesterday.    We had another round of sick kitty on Wednesday night.   My poor boy wasn't all the way blocked up, but he was definitely having trouble peeing so back to the emergency vet we went.   He had to stay overnight and honestly, I wish I had brought him home instead.   I just get a bad vibe at that place.       I was hesitant to leave him, but I was afraid to bring him home and have him get worse and me be asleep and not know it.   Now I have cat who acts like he had 3 shots of espresso and won't come out of his carrier.   We went to our normal vet today and we are eliminating one of  his meds to see if that will calm him down.   I'm worried.   I am terrified of something happening to him and this would be the worst time for that.    I think I'm even more paranoid after seeing a man leave the vet's office with an empty carrier and a box today.   I cried for him.   And for myself because I'm scared.   I'm terrified.   I already lost one boy, I am not ready to lose another one yet.  Especially the one who has been my source of comfort for the past two years.   He is temperamental, grumpy, and not well-behaved around company but he's mine and I love him.
Clocks are neat and I thought it was fun to take pictures of this one.  Photography always make me think about  how a picture can bring forth emotions or thoughts that were hiding out.   Time has become a huge issue for me lately.   I finally decided that I've had enough grieving time.  Well, active grieving time.   I will always have grief, but I've had enough time to wallow in it.   I started looking for a full-time job again last night.   I think I'm ready.   I hope I'm ready.   I can't sit home all the time anymore.   I'm lazy, unmotivated, and a waste of space right now.   I need a purpose again.   I need to feel like a contributor to the household again.   I need a new definition for who I am.   And I need to put new batteries in this clock because time has stood still for long enough.  

1 comment:

Lucy and Ethel said...

Sending big hugs for your kitty. We had to have our big lab, Emma, put to sleep Thursday 5 days after she turned 12 :(

On a brighter note, I'm so glad to see things seem to be moving up. I'm way behind in reading blogs but seem to remember reading that you're putting some of your creations in a craft store??? That's great!!!

Things ARE looking up...