Project 365: Day 3

(sorry for the bad picture; it is hard to catch a quick shot of the TV screen sometimes)

A girl can dream, right?   I have it in my head that winning the lottery is now my only path to happiness.   Why you ask?   Well, the cost of a round of PGD/IVF or private adoption is so far out of our reach that it feels like it would take millions to make us parents.    I know it isn't as drastic as that, but most days it does feel that way.    I guess we learned the hard way how unfair life can be in that aspect.  It is frustrating to see others struggle to provide basic needs for the kids when we have so much to give.   More frustrating are the news stories about babies found dead in dumpsters or shaken/beaten to death.   We'd gladly take those babies; there is no need for them to be killed or hurt.

I do miss living in the world most others live in.   I'd love to try to get pregnant, be excited for months, and give birth to a healthy baby that grows up to give me grandchildren.  No matter what path we chose now, pregnancy would never be a happy or exciting time for us.   It would be stressful time that would only end when we saw our child move normally for the first time.  No amount of testing would ever be enough for me; I'd have to see normal movement, normal development to ever be able to believe that everything was okay and even I'm not sure that would be enough.  

Dealing with bad genes and lack of insurance coverage/money has really put a strain on our relationship over the past couple of years, but we are still hanging in there.   It is not an easy path to navigate, but we hope that in this instance, love IS enough.