What do you say when you officially run out of words? I have nothing new to say lately. We just hurt and nothing makes it stop. No words spoken or heard change that, so there's not much point in talking, writing, listening. Every day is like the day before; sad, lonely, empty. I didn't cry much today, but only because I just didn't have the energy to... I'm just emotionally and physically drained. Being sad and angry all the time is tiring. Very tiring.

It is crazy how the words would flow back in the early stages but seemed to have dried up now. I know there are still quite a few people checking in to see how we are doing. I'm not sure what to say on that.... we are here. We try to go on, to find distractions, but at the end of the day, we still go to bed sad. Sometimes I wish I believed in a devil, one that I could somehow bargain with so that I might get to hold my baby boy one more time.