Just been another one of those weeks... It really sucks to keep getting hospital bills, coupons, magazines, etc for a baby who is no longer with us.

The secret to happiness is not to get what you want, but to want what you already have. If you think about it, most discontent grows from want. We want more stuff, more excitement, more pleasure. When we don't get those things, we're resentful and unsatisfied. Take away the want, and you take away the unhappiness. When your quality of life is tied to your desires, fulfillment is a shadow that escapes your view. Like trying to imagine a new color, the harder you look, the harder it is to see. Does this mean you stop setting goals and striving for a healthy lifestyle and better life? No. It means you can appreciate life regardless of the outcome. It means you can relish the pursuit while accepting the possibility of failure. It means you can still enjoy the ride. Happiness is not a destination--it's a way of life.

These were the words of wisdom my daily reflection email had for today. If that is really the key to happiness, I figure I have a lot of unhappy years ahead of me. I'm never going to stop wanting Eli back or wanting to be a mom. It is about at the point that we are almost sure things aren't going to work to make us parents again. I'm stuck on adoption, Jason's not open to that idea. So....we'll just sit back and watch babies be killed by their parents and babies be born to people who could care less about them. Fun times, fun times.

Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. - Sally Koch