19 days...

I can't believe he's been here for that long. I don't even know where these days have gone... It is all somewhat of a blur and at times, unreal. I won't say its been easy, but it has definitely been a learning and growing experience. I thought I'd take a chance to sit down and share our story for those friends and family who haven't been living it with us.

On August 2nd I woke up at my usual 3 am and instead of staying in bed, I decided to get up and do a few chores. I put laundry in and then sat down to watch a little TV before Jason got up for work. I had every intention of making him a delicious warm breakfast that morning and putting together a good lunch for him. After the first load of clothes finished, I put them in the dryer and then bent down to pick up the second load. My water broke at that point, but not the big gush I had expected, so I wasn't sure if that was really it or not. I put the clothes in and then went and jumped in the shower. Jason woke up a little grumpy that I was in the shower when he needed to get ready, but then called in to work when I told him what happened. We sat down to talk in the living room and when I stood back up, there was the gush that I had expected. We were having a baby that day for sure!

We arrived at the hospital around 6:30 and nothing really happened for hours. A little after 11 my doctor came in and gave me the stern lecture that I needed to start pitocin to get labor going. I finally agreed and after that, it all becomes a little bit of a blur. I remember them increasing the pitocin levels and I think around 4:30 I was in so much pain that the breathing wasn't helping so I had to break down and ask for an epidural. I was so disappointed, but it was unbearable and I knew I was at my limit. I think after that they kept turning the pitocin on and off and I never really progressd to the point of completion. Finally at 10:30pm the doctor came back to tell me that we were going to have to have a c-section because my water had broken so long ago and he just wasn't dropping down enough. I know they gave me more drugs at that point and I vaguely remember being wheeled down the hallway to the operating room. I was so sleepy from the drugs and tried to fall asleep, but one of the doctors kept flipping me in the forehead to wake me up. I didn't even realize they were operating until I heard him cry. It was very surreal and I'm sad that we did not have a chance for a more memorable experience. Jason was able to go to the nursery and bond with him while I was recovering, so he at least had one parent there early on.

Since that time we have had breastfeeding issues, a hospital stay, and lots and lots of tears, but we are hanging in there and taking it day by day, sometimes minute by minute. I know I have been struggling a lot with the "baby blues" and am being careful that it doesn't turn into postpartum depression. My mom and Jason have been so supportive, as has the lactation consultant we have been working with. It is a big change, much more than I could have imagined.