When you lose your child, nothing is ever the same and you find yourself in an endless debate about how to live your life after. This week has been tough. Next week will be hell. I have no idea how to make it not hurt so much right now. Today I wanted to crawl back in the bed and hide but Jason pushed me to get out of the house and go do something. I did...and came home crying. I decided to go do a bit of shopping since I'm in the mood for our bedroom and master bath to finally have a color scheme. We purchased a dark brown comforter set months ago but never got past that point. Yesterday I found a beautiful throw pillow so I'm trying to build the room around that. I found green sheets to match the pillow and purchased some bath towels and new rugs today. I like green and brown a lot (so much that our nursery was almost done in those colors). After I left the stores I decided to go have dinner out so I could do some proofreading on the cook book. Everything was fine until this family of 4 sat down across from me...

They had two little girls, one who was probably 2 or 3 and so adorable. She kept smiling at me and my heart was melting. She was so fun to watch. They had bagels and she discovered the hole in the middle was fun to look through. Just cuteness over and over. When I got up to leave I gave her a little wave and she waved back and said bye. I felt the tears begin to fall before I even got out the door. I want a family. Not just a marriage, but a family. Do you know how many picture frames and wall hangings have "FAMILY" on them? Lots. Do you know how many things are advertised for families? You'll probably never notice unless you find yourself without a family. It's only those of us who live in the land of loss that notice them the most.