Today, well, yesterday now that it is after midnight, was a bad day. I was so down most of the day and I had no idea why. It didn't hit me until I went to bed...it was the 2nd. Even if I'm not aware, I know. I know I should be celebrating my child turning another month older...but I'm not. Instead my mind knows I am mourning yet another month that my arms are empty, that my heart is broken. It doesn't matter if I consciously think of it or not, I know. 13 months...I don't even know anything about a 13-month-old. I don't have a clue what I am missing. All I know is that this still sucks. This is still unfair. This is still not what my life is supposed to be.

The DeLorean Motor Company is now located about 10 minutes from my house, but I know the chances of one of them taking me back to the future are nil. If there was even a hope, I'd be pouring my life savings out to buy that damn car. If only life were like the movies sometimes....