Life after a loss is so different than life before. I am up early this morning. I try to get up early (if I can) on the days that Jason has to go to work. I like packing his lunch; I like the hugs before he goes. That's not why I do it though. I do it because I'm afraid I won't see him again. That something will happen and he won't return home. After losing my son, I'm now terrified I'll lose my husband too.

I remember one night a few weeks or maybe a month after Eli died we were in bed and Jason had already fallen asleep. I was still awake, as usual, and noticed that he had gotten really quiet. I tried to see if I could still see him breathing but I wasn't able to tell in the dark. I had to put my hands on him and make sure he was okay...and he was, but in those brief moments I was so afraid. So afraid.

That story wasn't my intention of starting this post today. I was just going to say I was up early today. Sometimes I don't know where my thoughts will lead once I start typing. I came to discuss the headlines in today's paper. I pulled up the e-edition of our local paper this morning and was blown away by the first 6 or so headlines. It makes me sad for our country and our people. So many of us have really lost our way...

The first story was about the increase in gun and ammo sales. Concealed handgun applications are close to double what they were last year. I don't mind people owning guns, but I worry why so many think they need them now. The next story was discussing how Texas was trying to put through a bill limiting access to teacher records. I agree that teachers have a right to privacy, but this bill would seal their criminal records. I may never have a school aged child, but I imagine if I do, I would want to know if their teacher was a convicted felon!

From there we go to the story of the driver who was driving drunk and talking on his cell phone during the horrible storms we had on Saturday... He killed 5 kids, 3 of his own, when he lost control of the car and drove into a flooded bayou. The surviving child, as well as 3 of her siblings, have been taken into custody by CPS after their mother tested positive for drugs. The next article talks about a 12 year-old who has been charged with capital murder of an 10 month old baby boy. At least 5 kids were left alone in an apartment and the mother(s) returned to find the dead baby. The police are having a hard time figuring out where the mothers of the kids were or how many kids were actually in the apartment at the time of the baby's death. I won't go into a bitter rant, but I'm sure you know what I'm thinking.

and finally, the last article I read was about the Morning After pill now being made available over-the-counter to 17 year-olds. I don't even know what to say about that one.

How sad it is that these are the headlines in my area right now? More guns, dead children, and pregnancy-terminating pills to teens.