Project 365: Day 6 & 7

I missed posting yesterday.    We had another round of sick kitty on Wednesday night.   My poor boy wasn't all the way blocked up, but he was definitely having trouble peeing so back to the emergency vet we went.   He had to stay overnight and honestly, I wish I had brought him home instead.   I just get a bad vibe at that place.       I was hesitant to leave him, but I was afraid to bring him home and have him get worse and me be asleep and not know it.   Now I have cat who acts like he had 3 shots of espresso and won't come out of his carrier.   We went to our normal vet today and we are eliminating one of  his meds to see if that will calm him down.   I'm worried.   I am terrified of something happening to him and this would be the worst time for that.    I think I'm even more paranoid after seeing a man leave the vet's office with an empty carrier and a box today.   I cried for him.   And for myself because I'm scared.   I'm terrified.   I already lost one boy, I am not ready to lose another one yet.  Especially the one who has been my source of comfort for the past two years.   He is temperamental, grumpy, and not well-behaved around company but he's mine and I love him.

Clocks are neat and I thought it was fun to take pictures of this one.  Photography always make me think about  how a picture can bring forth emotions or thoughts that were hiding out.   Time has become a huge issue for me lately.   I finally decided that I've had enough grieving time.  Well, active grieving time.   I will always have grief, but I've had enough time to wallow in it.   I started looking for a full-time job again last night.   I think I'm ready.   I hope I'm ready.   I can't sit home all the time anymore.   I'm lazy, unmotivated, and a waste of space right now.   I need a purpose again.   I need to feel like a contributor to the household again.   I need a new definition for who I am.   And I need to put new batteries in this clock because time has stood still for long enough.  

Project 365: Day 5 New Endeavors

The ladies at Merry-Go-Round over in Kingwood have been amazing to me since day 1.   Suzanne entered our lives when Eli was less than a week old and is still active in helping with the fight against SMA.     I'm sure many of you have now seen the Hope Calendar that is raising money for the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation; Suzanne was the person who nominated GSF in honor of Eli.   Angela is another great friend that works at the store.   She has ordered the linking crabs for us at a discount for the past two years so that we are able to donate a large quantity to the local children's hospital.    If those two ladies aren't enough, then we have Kim, who organized the memorial walk the first year and made all the signs and provided water this past year.    I could write another novel on all that my friend Sara does; she probably does more for SMA awareness than I ever could.   That store is just full of support and love!

Anyway, back to the picture and story that goes along with it...   Tomorrow I am taking over some of my craft projects to set up as a vendor in the store!   We already sell cards there to raise money for the foundation, but they actually thought my other work was good enough to sell too!   I will post more things as I make them and hopefully a picture of my display once we get it all set up.   I'm super excited about this new path for my hobby!   I am also considering doing a shop on Etsy, so stay tuned!

Project 354: Day 4 Perseverance

  continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition

This is the orange tree that we planted in our backyard not long after we bought our house.   Last winter was a cold one down here in Texas and we forgot to cover it up a few of the nights of freezing temperatures and it was pretty "dead" by the end of winter.   Jason almost dug it up, but decided to leave it and after 9 months, here it is.   The green is all new growth, but you can still see the dead branches that was the tree before.  

 If someone were to ask me the things I enjoy the most, I'd say stamping/card making, reading, and photography, but especially nature macro photography.   The macro lens can capture so much that you miss with the naked eye.   I just spent about 5 minutes outside snapping these today, but I loved every single second of it.  

 This rose reminds me of myself at this moment.   What was once a whole, complete flower has been decimated by the happenings of life, but one petal remains.  

 And this one, life.  It can be thorny, but with the thorns does come beauty.   It all depends on the season if you have beautiful flowers or just stems full of thorns.

This is Eli's tree right now.   It usually blooms out beautifully for his birthday, so it is only fitting that it is brown and dead with his angel day approaching.

Project 365: Day 3

(sorry for the bad picture; it is hard to catch a quick shot of the TV screen sometimes)

A girl can dream, right?   I have it in my head that winning the lottery is now my only path to happiness.   Why you ask?   Well, the cost of a round of PGD/IVF or private adoption is so far out of our reach that it feels like it would take millions to make us parents.    I know it isn't as drastic as that, but most days it does feel that way.    I guess we learned the hard way how unfair life can be in that aspect.  It is frustrating to see others struggle to provide basic needs for the kids when we have so much to give.   More frustrating are the news stories about babies found dead in dumpsters or shaken/beaten to death.   We'd gladly take those babies; there is no need for them to be killed or hurt.

I do miss living in the world most others live in.   I'd love to try to get pregnant, be excited for months, and give birth to a healthy baby that grows up to give me grandchildren.  No matter what path we chose now, pregnancy would never be a happy or exciting time for us.   It would be stressful time that would only end when we saw our child move normally for the first time.  No amount of testing would ever be enough for me; I'd have to see normal movement, normal development to ever be able to believe that everything was okay and even I'm not sure that would be enough.  

Dealing with bad genes and lack of insurance coverage/money has really put a strain on our relationship over the past couple of years, but we are still hanging in there.   It is not an easy path to navigate, but we hope that in this instance, love IS enough.

Project 365: Day 2

It rarely gets cold enough to use the fireplace, so we normally only burn one on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day.    It was a little chilly today and we still had a starter log that my parents brought us, so Jason fired it up tonight.   It is nice and relaxing to just sit and watch it, but I took it a step further tonight and did some aperture practice with the camera.

When I sat down to upload my pictures, my sweet boy just looked too adorable so I had to snap one of him as well.

Happy New Year: Project 365

Okay...so I decided to try to do Project 365 this year.   Don't know what that is?   You can read more about it at 365project.org.  Basically you take a photo a day to both improve your photography skills and document your life for that year.    Sounds fun, right?  

My first picture is of one of our cats, Bailey.   She HATES when the camera comes out and most of our pictures of her remind us of Jim Brewer after a few joints.    I am determined to get some good shots of her this year so I started off with her.  

I love my kitties.  They have always been "my kids", but even more so after losing Eli.    I get angry when they wake me up scratching at the door at 4 or 5 am, but I guess I should be glad that they love me so much that they just need to see me.   :)    They bring us much laughter and always seem to know when we need a little snuggle.  

Two years ago today we first heard those three words.   Spinal Muscular Atrophy.    

We had no idea our beautiful son would die less than three weeks later.

Birthday!

I had to share some pictures of my amazing birthday present.   My friend Sara makes the most wonderful cakes and she stopped by today with this lovely creation.   I thought she was making me one of the ugly cakes from Cake Wrecks, but nope, I got the prettiest Barbie EVER!    I never got a Barbie cake as a little girl and I must say, this cake made it worth the wait!   :)

I'm sure she has no idea how much it really means to me.   For most of my life, I have been the giver.   I am the person who always makes sure everyone else has a cake or a gift or is thought of on their special day.   Usually that means that on my day, I get a bunch of apologies that people didn't have time or something came up and they didn't get to do anything.    But, every now and then a special friend or family member surprises me and does something that really puts some sunshine into my day.   Sara has been that special person not only on my birthday, but over and over again day in and day out.  She only met Eli once and we only worked together a few months, but she truly loves me and does so much for me and for SMA.   I don't know how many hours she worked on this cake, but I know she didn't get much sleep last night.    She is awesome and I am so very lucky to get to call her my friend. 

The Holidays are Here!

 Our new Christmas tree.   After years of fighting with the lights and each other OVER the lights, we broke down and bought a new pre-lit tree this year.   It is also self-shaping, so it was up and ready to decorate in about 15 minutes.   It felt strange, but I don't miss the hours of putting on lights!

 This year I am attempting to make my own dressing.  I even dried and cubed the bread!   It was a labor of love, so I hope our guests like it.  I used this recipe from Allrecipes.com because of all the great reviews. 

 Here's Eli's crab ornament from last year.    I found 3 new ones this year at Hobby Lobby and will try to post pictures later.   

 This is our first ornament as a couple.   I sent it to Jason while we were living miles and miles apart.    

I was playing around with the camera today and here's one shot of some of the shiny glass balls.    I love trying to photograph the Christmas tree.   Hopefully my pictures will get better with practice.  

Happy Thanksgiving.

Great News!!!!!

I know, I know.   I'm horrible at updating over here.   I've been so focused on my Stampin' Up! projects and upcoming craft fairs that I've mainly been posting on my card blog and Facebook business page.    I do have a few things to share though!

First, Through Eli's Eyes is now officially TAX-EXEMPT!    We are thrilled to have that designation now because it allows us much more freedom to do fundraisers.   I am forever thankful to Robin and Wade, our awesome friends who donated their time to get the application together for us.   They ROCK!    

Second, there is an awesome new fundraiser going on that was brought about by some of my local friends.   Houston photographer Debi Gomez does an amazing calendar each year and chooses a children's charity to donate the proceeds.  My friends at Merry-Go-Round nominated one of our SMA organizations so this year's recipient is the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation!   You can check out the beautiful Hope Calendar here!   Please consider picking up a few of them as Christmas gifts to help support GSF and Debi's effort to fight SMA!

Nothing new to report...just wanted to share a funny picture.   He's had a rough day today following me around, so he is VERY tired.  :)

Please VOTE!

Gwendolyn Strong Foundation has a chance to win $20,000 for SMA through YOUR daily votes! Yep, we need your super awesome voting fingers to get to work again!

Twelve children’s charities from around the country, including the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation, were selected by the Jimmie Johnson Foundation for the Samsung Helmet of Hope that NASCAR champion Jimmie Johnson will wear in the upcoming Pepsi 400 race in October 2010. The Jimmie Johnson Foundation has already been incredibly generous, awarding a $10,000 grant to each of the twelve charities and increasing awareness about each of our missions. We are incredibly honored to be among these important causes. And we are equally honored to now have the opportunity for additional awareness and funding to help further our passion — an END to SMA!!!

WE. CAN. DO. THIS! Together we can END SMA — one vote at a time!!!

PLEASE VOTE: It’s really this simple –>

• You can vote once EVERY DAY from now until September 29th at 5 PM EDT
• Go to VoteForSMA.com, select the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation, enter the two security words, check the Official Rules box, and then click “Vote Now!”
• That’s it!
• And…don’t stop there — SHARE!

Eli's Quilt

We received Eli's quilt from Cole's Quilts this week.   If you haven't read about the quilts, go check our their website.  (if you cross-stitch, please consider volunteering!)  It is something we will be able to treasure forever.   Two of the squares are extra special because they were made by members of my SMA family.   The 3 giraffes in the car was done by MJ and Brenda.   If you've been a frequent reader of my blog, you should know all about MJ by now, but if not, you should spend a little time reading her story.   She is one of the most amazing people I've "met" and I hope I can give her a huge hug in person one day.  

Another square was made by my fellow SMA mom, Marla.   Marla lost her son Jay to SMA and has been one of the people I've come to lean on because she gets it.   I hope to make it up her way to visit her one day and get some cuddles from her amazing twins who are SMA free!   She made the Through Eli's Eyes square  for the quilt and I love it.   It is so nice to have the foundation name on there.

Here are some close ups of the other squares on the quilt.  I'll try to post better pictures when I have someone around to hold it up or when we figure out where to hang it.   I'm trying not to lay down and cry on it, but it is hard...    I sure miss that boy of mine.  

BBQ Chicken Pizza

How yummy does that look?   We tried this awesome new recipe tonight and it was delicious to say the least!

I finally got back to counting my Weight Watcher points last week and lost 2.8 pounds.  I feel a little better mentally, so hopefully I can stay on track.   We figure we have about $3500-4000 more to save up for IVF and I want to lose at least 30 pounds.   Crossing my fingers that I can do that and we can save the money and try around the first of the year.   I am working part-time right now and trying to get my Stampin' Up! business going as well.   This month has been tough, but getting out of the house has helped some I think.   The holidays will all be coming up soon and that's always a whole other hell we have to go through too.