Hello? Anyone there?

So...

It's been a while. Like a really long while, years in fact.   I had made this blog private because there was a lot of anger on here after we lost our Eli.  I haven't read that far back to relive it all again, but I know it's here.   I was thinking last night about how much I had enjoyed blogging here in the past and decided that maybe my heart had healed enough to try again.  Maybe...  No promises yet.  

I'm not sure if anyone will even be reading this, but just in case, I guess I'll update a bit.  In November of 2011 we found out I was pregnant.  I started to say we were having a baby but the pregnancy before that ended at 11 weeks with an ultrasound and the words no fetal heartbeat.   Pregnancy doesn't equal baby.  Not in my life anyway.   On December 19th, we went to have genetic testing to find out if our baby would have SMA or not.   That was my birthday.   I got a call on the way home that my mamaw had passed away.  Not so happy of a day.   On December 30th we found out that we were having a baby girl and she would carry the SMA gene, but would not have the disease.  Happy New Year!

On June 27 of last year, I had a family again.  My sweet Laila Elise was born and oh how life has changed since then!   

This is her now.  In two days she'll be 16 months old.  How did that happen?  Beats me!   I blinked and she went from a napping baby to a tantrum throwing toddler.   She's quite a Chatty Cathy and oh so smart already.   For my first story I thought I'd talk about bedtime.  Sleeps seems to be where we've messed up so far, so each nap (more on that later) and bedtime requires rocking.  But not JUST rocking...

Laila's List of Ways to NOT Go to Sleep, the October 25th Edition:

• Practice saying every word you know, emphasis on EVERY.  Don't leave any out!   
• Wave your lovey around.  It's great if you can hit the parent in the face as you do it. 
• Point out and name each facial feature on the parent.  Be sure you poke them hard as you do this.  Really get your finger in their eye.  They LOVE that. 
• Scream.  I mean loud too! 
• Point at random things in the room.  Extend your finger, but also your whole body if you can. 
• Try to grab anything near the rocking chair.  If you manage to get it, refuse to let it go.  
• Pelvic thrusts!  
• All these must be done while rolling and flipping around.  Make it hard for them to hold on to you.  Bonus points if you manage to get down and run! 
• Finally, fall asleep and look so sweet that the parent tears up and just wants to hold you.   

Sounds fun, huh?   

Isn't it lovely?   It was made by a truly special lady who I have really come to love.    She started out as my department manager, but quickly became like a sister to me.     I have made some great friends at my current job and giving my notice last week was a little bittersweet.   It is almost like leaving family.    Today they had me crying a ton.   Next Friday is my official last day, but they decided to do a little "we'll miss you" day today since everyone was there.   First I got this beautiful bracelet from Deanna.   Not only did she use a dragonfly, but she also incorporated the colors for August.   It is a beautiful tribute to my Eli and I will treasure it always.   After that, they had a HUGE lunch buffet!   They all pitched in and we had sandwiches, chips (including my favorite, barbecue), cookies, fruit, and drinks.   It was quite a spread and their thoughtfulness touched my heart so much.    I am going to cry again just thinking about it.    I will miss them so much, but I felt like my time there was over.   It was a wonderful transition back to work for me, but I was getting too comfortable and needed to move on to pursue other opportunities.    I am just so thankful for all the friends I made there; they came to me at a point that I really needed them and for that they will never be forgotten.  

Sometimes....

...I wish I was a cat.  :)  

For my dad....

Mom reminded me that I hadn't posted anything on here for a while, so I figured I'd drop by and post some pictures.   I'm guessing my dad is about the only person who still checks up on me, so Hey, Dad!

Jason and I got out early today and went to Mercer Arboretum and I had a lovely time taking pictures of all the flowers and plants.    I hope you enjoy them.

I had to share some recent pictures of Bandit too.   I thought we were going to lose him last week, but the vet was able to fix him up and he's home with us.   We aren't exactly sure what happened, but it seems that he got in some kind of toxin, possibly cleaners or some human medicine.  Jason and I couldn't find anything, but he's such a mischievous boy who gets in everything, so who knows?   I'm just happy he's okay.  

Not much else going on.    I'm taking an accounting class, working part-time, and building my stamping business.    I just made plans to go to the big Stampin' Up! convention in Utah in July and I'm super excited about that.    I am a bit nervous to travel by myself, but once I get to Utah I'll be surrounded by thousands of other stampin' nuts.   :)

Just a few pictures...

Today I designed my cards for my workshop next week.   They seemed to love the ones I did last month, so I hope these go over as well.   :)     The bottom picture is my poor Bandit.   He has a double cone of shame right now.   Hopefully he'll get to take them off on the 23rd when he gets his stitches out.    I have my fingers, toes, and eyes crossed that this surgery works and we won't have any more nights at the emergency vet with a cat that can't pee.  

Valentine's Day 2011

The weather is beautiful in Texas today, so we had to get out and take a stroll.   I have been wanting to go to the lake and take pictures of all the ducks, so that's what we did.   It was so fun and just being outside together was the best gift ever.  

Project 365 What HAPPENED?

I know, I know!   Where have I been?!   I have to confess, life totally got in the way of my picture taking and I'm wayyyy off track with my daily pictures.    I hate that and figured it would happen, but not this quickly.   :(    I guess it is good to be busy, but it was something that I really wanted to complete this year.  

So what's been taking up my time?   Well, Bandit has been sick yet again and we did a lot of back-and-forth with the vet and the ER vet.   We finally reached the critical point where we had to make some decisions and as a result, he had surgery on Wednesday.   He is home now, but has to spend some time isolated AND wear that lovely cone of shame for 2 whole weeks.   He gets his stitches out on the 23rd, but there is a lot of care between now and then.   He is not happy about being in the bathroom alone right now, but I go in and play with him as much as I can.   He is so sweet and loving right now; I'm beginning to think I brought home the wrong cat!

My class is also taking up a lot of time.  We have homework due at almost every class and it takes some time to complete.   I am not a huge fan of my instructor, but I like the content so far.  

The weather has also been a huge factor in picture taking.   It has been freezing down here...like 32 degrees and below!    I have lost a lot of my tolerance to cold weather, so I can't get out and take pictures without shivering.    Texas isn't supposed to be this darn cold!  Brrr!

Finally, my stamping business is actually picking up as well.   Nothing to shout about just yet, but I do have some new customers that want to meet monthly.   I am also having a little success at selling some of my things at the consignment shop, so that takes time to do as well.

So, between kitty, work (still working part-time), class, and stamping, I am just struggling with time.  I need to go get ready for work right now actually.  :)   I'll put a few pictures below just to show a little of the last few weeks.

My sweet boy a few weeks ago.   It was so cold that even the kitties needed blankets!

 Our neighbor's big plant HATES the cold weather and totally crashed to the ground.

 One of the Valentine's cards for my recent class.

 What?   Freezing in Texas?  Yep.   No snow, but we did get ice on  a few days.   I hate that; if it is going to be cold, give me some pretty snow!

Here's one of the bookmarks I made to sell.   It is bright and sunny on these cold days and I love it!

Project 365 Day 23

 Mozzarella, Ham, and Basil Panini

Spinach and Artichoke Dip

We decided to make some yummy food for the games today and here's what we ended up with.   We did cheat and use a boxed brownie mix, so no pictures of dessert.   (That being said, Jason is whipping up some homemade vanilla ice cream to go with the brownies right now!)

Project 365 Day 17 thru 22

It's been cold on and off down here and the kitties are always in need of some snuggling.   Sometimes they will snuggle together, sometimes with us, and if we leave the bedroom door open, they will pile up on our bed down at the bottom where the electric blanket is.   I decided to take a nap and not long after I woke up, my quilt was claimed as the cat bed.   :)

I woke up to this on Tuesday morning.  :)    I guess the cat toys get hungry at night?    Or there was a lot of "mousing" and he needed to show me how hard he was working so he could be fed?    Such a silly boy.

Looks fun, huh?    I started my class on Wednesday.   I don't love it yet, but we'll see.  I've been doing homework all weekend and I'm a little grumpy about the quality and information of the textbook.   I have never been so thankful for all the information available online.  It helped me finish up my homework and figure out what the heck my book was talking about!

See what I mean about them crashing on the bed?    The blanket was on and it was a bit chilly in the house, so I couldn't get them out of bed on Thursday.   Thankfully they made room for me so that I could sneak in a nap with them.   :)

That about sums up the week.  It has been cold out and everything is bare and looks so sad right now.   I love the colder temperatures, but I miss the leaves and flowers.

I finally have another Stampin' Up! event!   I get to do a workshop/club type thing for 3 ladies this week and here are the cards I came up with.   I hope they like them.   I had fun making them.

Project 365 Day 14, 15, & 16

Pictures of bags?   That was the best I could do?   Well, those bags were FULL of pop tabs and sample-sized toiletries that friends and family had donated for the Ronald McDonald House.    Friday was the two year anniversary of Eli's death and we followed our tradition of purchasing the linking crab toys (200 this year) to donate to the children's hospital.   We drove up and made our two stops at RMH of Houston and Children's Memorial Hermann to drop off the items.   I guess that's better than sitting at home drowning in our sorry.  

Coffee is great.  Coffee with a friend is the most special of treats.  On Saturday I woke up early and headed over to my friend Fran's for some coffee and girl time.   Those are the mornings that I cherish the most.   I miss having a best friend so much.   I love just hanging out.  Just talking, sharing, getting out all the pent up frustrations or sadness that always build up.   Most everyone I know here has kids which means no time to do anything but parent.   To meet up takes much planning and most of the time, the kids have to tag along.    Obviously that's not the idea situation for me, so I'm lonely.   Very, very lonely.    I keep joking with Jason that we need to move and become urbanites, but lately I'm not sure that I'm really joking at all.   Suburbs are for families and we don't fit in.   I hate it.   Anyway, that's my pity party for the week.  Moving on...

Finally, here's how I spent my Saturday night and Sunday.    I made 4 sets of each of these to sell at the consignment shop and on Etsy.   I now have 4 things in my Etsy shop.  :)    Now if I can just sell something!

Project 363 Day 11, 12, & 13

PSA:   Don't mix cleaners, especially one with bleach and one with ammonia.  I went on a major cleaning spree on Tuesday and in my haste to get the shower clean, I randomly grabbed cleaners without looking at the ingredients.   That's a huge no-no and as a former chemistry major, I know better than to do that.   I made some lovely chlorine gas and ran out of the shower coughing and not able to breathe.   Thankfully some fresh air, a nap, and a good husband who cleaned up my error was all that was needed to fix things, but it did scare me for a bit.   

I usually post my card pictures over on my card blog, but this one come with some news.  I finally started an Etsy shop!   Now before you get excited, it has 1 item in it, but hey, it is started at least.   I have no idea if I'll ever sell anything, but I figure I should try at least.   I am going to donate $1 from each card or item I sell to my favorite SMA fighters, the Strongs.   I just need to get more items in there and hope that it will help out a little.   I also need a shop name and I think a header or something, but I'm still figuring that part out.   If anyone has more knowledge than I do about all that stuff, let me know!   I'd love some help/ideas.

Today I decided to fall back in love with my old favorite, reading.   I went to the library and picked up a few random books that caught my eye.   I'm now on page 92 of this mindless book about a serial killer and totally enjoying getting lost in a world not my own.   It has been quite a while since I picked up a book and I need to do a better job of doing the things I love.   I have sucked most of the joy out of my own life and that's just not good.

Project 365: Day 9 & 10

I love to see where the kitties will end up sleeping next.   Bandit found himself a warm bed by the fire last night.   It has been so nice to have some colder weather; we love a nice fire in the fireplace.   Normally we only do it a few times a year, usually on Christmas, but we've been able to branch out a bit this year and enjoy it many more times.   After the fire was out, Bandit found himself a new expensive bed, the Target bag!   Remember, don't let the cat out of the bag!

I found a laser pointer on clearance at Target, so the babies got a new one for Christmas.   It has a been a while since we had one, so it has been so fun!   Jason managed to get them all huddled together tonight and it looks like a bit of a worship service to me.   :)  It is awesome to watch them run and play like kittens with this thing.   They might be 8 years old, but they can still move when there is a little red light to chase.  

I hope to capture some non-cat images tomorrow.   Yesterday was just too rainy to get outside and I worked most of the daylight hours today, so it was indoor or nothing.

Project 365: Day 8, Dreaming

When I got out of my car today, I looked around and saw the most beautiful sky.   I know most people equate clear skies with beauty, but I love clouds.   Not the dark, dreary clouds that bring rainy days, but the fluffy cotton candy clouds that come with sunny days.   As a child I can remember taking a blanket outside and just laying there looking up at the sky.   I would scan the skies to see what I could find hiding out up in all those clouds.   As I've gotten older, imagination isn't a big part of my life and that's a bit sad.   I think losing the innocence of childhood is a part of that, but we should never become too old or jaded to imagine.   

So what do you see in the pictures above?   Anything?   I found a frog, alligator head, and a pterodactyl as I was scanning the sky and captured my imagination on film.   It is fun to sit back and look at them tonight to see if I can find them again.  I think I need to make a promise to myself to go out and imagine a bit more frequently.   

Project 365: Day 6 & 7

I missed posting yesterday.    We had another round of sick kitty on Wednesday night.   My poor boy wasn't all the way blocked up, but he was definitely having trouble peeing so back to the emergency vet we went.   He had to stay overnight and honestly, I wish I had brought him home instead.   I just get a bad vibe at that place.       I was hesitant to leave him, but I was afraid to bring him home and have him get worse and me be asleep and not know it.   Now I have cat who acts like he had 3 shots of espresso and won't come out of his carrier.   We went to our normal vet today and we are eliminating one of  his meds to see if that will calm him down.   I'm worried.   I am terrified of something happening to him and this would be the worst time for that.    I think I'm even more paranoid after seeing a man leave the vet's office with an empty carrier and a box today.   I cried for him.   And for myself because I'm scared.   I'm terrified.   I already lost one boy, I am not ready to lose another one yet.  Especially the one who has been my source of comfort for the past two years.   He is temperamental, grumpy, and not well-behaved around company but he's mine and I love him.

Clocks are neat and I thought it was fun to take pictures of this one.  Photography always make me think about  how a picture can bring forth emotions or thoughts that were hiding out.   Time has become a huge issue for me lately.   I finally decided that I've had enough grieving time.  Well, active grieving time.   I will always have grief, but I've had enough time to wallow in it.   I started looking for a full-time job again last night.   I think I'm ready.   I hope I'm ready.   I can't sit home all the time anymore.   I'm lazy, unmotivated, and a waste of space right now.   I need a purpose again.   I need to feel like a contributor to the household again.   I need a new definition for who I am.   And I need to put new batteries in this clock because time has stood still for long enough.